Domestic violence is unfortunately something that people have to deal with in their daily lives but over the festive period, incidents can happen more frequently – whether it’s because more alcohol is involved, more time is being spent at home or due to financial strain over this period.
Victim Blaming
It’s important to remember that the victims are not to blame , and the perpetrators merely use all these reasons as excuses for their abusive behaviour. There really is no excuse. Instead of focusing on statistics and the dangers though, I thought we could focus on being proactive over this time. Leaving the relationship has many implications, and especially at this time of year may be impossible but we can focus on staying as safe as possible.
Being proactive – Safety Plans
Making a safety plan can really help you, and others know how to cope if an incident does occur. Writing the safety plan down is not essential if you fear your abuser might find it, but make sure you are totally familiar with your own safety plan, everyone will be different.
First of all if you need emergency help from either the police or an ambulance, do not hesitate to call. If however it is a situation you can safely get away from then the safety plan comes into play.
I personally used to make safety plans with family or friends. So if you have a close friend or relative that you can call, let them know about your safety plan, and let them know a specific phrase you will only use if you need help. For example, you call your mum and say “I’ve burnt the toast” and that person will know you need help. This is where every safety plan is different because that could mean that person needs to call the police and send them to you, or it could mean you need to meet them at a certain place to get you to safety. Or they can ask you if you need the police and you can give yes or no answers.
Safety plan in your own house?
The next thing to think about is a safety plan in your own house. We don’t often think about how we would escape our own home, but it can be useful in these situations. If you have a room with a lock on it and a window in it, you can always go into there, and get out of the house if needed. From there it is good to have an idea of where it is safe to run to. Possibly a neighbour, or even to a local shop, that would allow you to use a phone.
If you have children in the home it’s also a good idea if they are old enough to include them in the safety plan. Tell them who to call if you need help, teach them safe places to go should an incident occur.
I genuinely hate having to write anything like this, but I do think it is important we realise the importance of a little planning. I truly hope that nobody needs to put this into action, but should the need arise, I hope this helps, even just a little.
Stay safe everyone. M
(Kindly written by M – one of our volunteers)
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