“The perfect Christmas doesn’t look like the ones on TV, it looks like the one you enjoy. There’s so much pressure to be happy and to be part of a big celebration but I’ve found that finding downtime, solitude and space to simply feel however I feel makes the holidays easier to manage.
Whether it’s a whole day of peace and quiet or locking yourself in the loo for a few minutes of meditation, being able to recharge can make a world of difference. It gives me the ability to truly enjoy time with loved ones without burning myself out.
A few of my favourite tricks to recharge my mental batteries are:
• The dog is always happy to go out – fresh air and a bit of movement really does clear out the cobwebs.
• Meditation – taking time to be in the moment can stave off anxiety spirals before they become overwhelming.
• Your phone is useful – text a friend, watch that video that always makes you laugh, look at pictures of chilled out capybaras. Distractions can really help.
If social anxiety has taught me anything, it’s that people and relationships matter, the rest doesn’t. Celebrate with your loved ones in the way that works best for you and that will be a perfect Christmas.”
Thanks,
Katie S.
p.s. our thanks goes to Katie, one of volunteers peer workers for this article. Lived Experience proves to be very helpful.
Photo – The Old Packhorse Bridge – Carrbridge, Scotland. (Maggie Wright)
Why do we have panic attacks and how can we help to control them?
I know I usually write about food but this has come up in my family life and also heard about a few people suffering panic attacks so I thought I would love to give everyone a super simple way to deal with these horrible events. They really are events, because after you have had one you can be left completely exhausted, mentally and physically drained and worst of all for me was the knowledge that I might suffer these for a long time. However, “square breathing” is something I had to learn and want to share with you.
To give a little bit of background as to why this information was shared with me, I had to spend some time in a psychiatric hospital and I was assigned a relaxation therapist for a few weeks after I was discharged. She taught me this and when I had to take it to the real world, I must admit it worked for me.
So before I get into the thing that “worked for me” I did a wee bit of research because that’s how I roll and I was absolutely aware that my experience of a panic attack may differ from everyone else.
Signs of panic attack
Some of the signs you are having a panic attack (btw, everyone is different) you may get all or just a few. Sudden intense anxiety, shaking, crying, feeling disorientated, rapid and irregular heartbeats, dry mouth, breathlessness, sweating, dizziness, chills, hot flashes, tightness in the throat, sense of impending doom or danger, fear of loss or control or even fear of death. .
Are panic and anxiety attacks the same?
This part of my research was actually a learning curve for me because I have always assumed a panic attack and an anxiety attack is the same thing. They aren’t and here is the difference and I absolutely wish I had known this years ago. An anxiety attack is a response to a perceived threat , like you saw an abusive ex or something, you already know the danger, your body responds with anxiety. The difference with a panic attack is it seems to come from nowhere, u don’t see the danger, you just cannot shake this.
Triggers for panic attacks
So triggers for a panic attack are things like over breathing (I researched this because I have never heard this term) so hyperventilation, when you breathe too quickly and you are not getting enough oxygen to the brain, hence the dizziness. Long periods of stress, physical changes after illness, change of environment and lets not forget our main ones, trauma, whatever kind – whether the death of a loved one to….actually I wont even go there because I guess if you are reading this you know what has made u traumatized. But please be aware and hopeful because life after trauma and panic attacks doesn’t need to be terrifying. Feeling afraid after trauma is absolutely normal and panic attacks can happen when something or someone reminds you of the trauma. Like I said before though, your body is reacting and it is scary.
Square breathing
Here is one of my ways to deal with panic attacks, sorry for boring you with the research but I have never claimed to not be a research nerd.
Find something with 4 corners, anything, it could be a bus when you are waiting at a station, your tv when you feel overwhelmed, anything with 4 corners. What I love about this technique is that we generally all have phones so we are looking at something with 4 corners, or a tv, whatever it is, just find something you can count to 4 with. So focus on the top left hand corner and breathe in all the way along to the top right hand corner, then breathe out to the bottom right hand corner, them breathe back up to the beginning corner and repeat as long as you need.
Don’t even worry about how long it takes for you to get there either, people who think you can keep breathing out for longer than you have breath are not getting the point, your breathing will naturally slow down because your mind isn’t focused on panic. “Square breathing.” Genuinely hope this helps at least one person. Stay safe everyone
Why do we have panic attacks and how can we help to control them?
I know I usually write about food but this has come up in my family life and also heard about a few people suffering panic attacks so I thought I would love to give everyone a super simple way to deal with these horrible events. They really are events, because after you have had one you can be left completely exhausted, mentally and physically drained and worst of all for me was the knowledge that I might suffer these for a long time. However, “square breathing” is something I had to learn and want to share with you.
To give a little bit of background as to why this information was shared with me, I had to spend some time in a psychiatric hospital and I was assigned a relaxation therapist for a few weeks after I was discharged. She taught me this and when I had to take it to the real world, I must admit it worked for me.
So before I get into the thing that “worked for me” I did a wee bit of research because that’s how I roll and I was absolutely aware that my experience of a panic attack may differ from everyone else.
Signs of panic attack
Some of the signs you are having a panic attack (btw, everyone is different) you may get all or just a few. Sudden intense anxiety, shaking, crying, feeling disorientated, rapid and irregular heartbeats, dry mouth, breathlessness, sweating, dizziness, chills, hot flashes, tightness in the throat, sense of impending doom or danger, fear of loss or control or even fear of death. .
Are panic and anxiety attacks the same?
This part of my research was actually a learning curve for me because I have always assumed a panic attack and an anxiety attack is the same thing. They aren’t and here is the difference and I absolutely wish I had known this years ago. An anxiety attack is a response to a perceived threat , like you saw an abusive ex or something, you already know the danger, your body responds with anxiety. The difference with a panic attack is it seems to come from nowhere, u don’t see the danger, you just cannot shake this.
Triggers for panic attacks
So triggers for a panic attack are things like over breathing (I researched this because I have never heard this term) so hyperventilation, when you breathe too quickly and you are not getting enough oxygen to the brain, hence the dizziness. Long periods of stress, physical changes after illness, change of environment and lets not forget our main ones, trauma, whatever kind – whether the death of a loved one to….actually I wont even go there because I guess if you are reading this you know what has made u traumatized. But please be aware and hopeful because life after trauma and panic attacks doesn’t need to be terrifying. Feeling afraid after trauma is absolutely normal and panic attacks can happen when something or someone reminds you of the trauma. Like I said before though, your body is reacting and it is scary.
Square breathing
Here is one of my ways to deal with panic attacks, sorry for boring you with the research but I have never claimed to not be a research nerd.
Find something with 4 corners, anything, it could be a bus when you are waiting at a station, your tv when you feel overwhelmed, anything with 4 corners. What I love about this technique is that we generally all have phones so we are looking at something with 4 corners, or a tv, whatever it is, just find something you can count to 4 with. So focus on the top left hand corner and breathe in all the way along to the top right hand corner, then breathe out to the bottom right hand corner, them breathe back up to the beginning corner and repeat as long as you need.
Don’t even worry about how long it takes for you to get there either, people who think you can keep breathing out for longer than you have breath are not getting the point, your breathing will naturally slow down because your mind isn’t focused on panic. “Square breathing.” Genuinely hope this helps at least one person. Stay safe everyone
Three and a half months may have gone speedily for some but dragged out for others. For us here at Families in Trauma, it has gone very fast due to the upsurge of interest in our work – which I am glad from that point of view. However, sad also for those who have suffered and families who are mourning.
Our eLearning course is to be launched next week – which seems like it couldn’t be more needed – a leaning post – to get us through these really tough times. We have been getting feedback from a few who have trialed the course. Our first podcast, was released through our social media pages – a discussion around the very supportive method of eCPR – emotional CPR – so so sorely needed just now especially.
We have also been busy developing workshops online (yes we do have a bit of Zoom fatigue too 🙂 ) but it seems to be an ideal way to interact with people at this time. We have a number of podcast discussions arranged to discuss what the different services in Fife are offering during this extremely pressured time period for families on the ground.
And finally, please remember that as well as creating our own resources, we can also help signpost to other organisations who we have worked along with. This often is an unsung service, and yet we have personally spoken with a number of individuals from various services in Fife and Scotland – who just weren’t aware of the vital services in their midst. So please, contact us if you need to – and we can often do the legwork for you – or we may already know exactly who you need to speak to.
I was recently asked to speak for 10 minutes at the “Choose Life” conference held in Kirkcaldy. I was very humbled by many of the speakers and the work they are continuing to do, day in, day out! It really is amazing to see individuals turn their trauma into something that helps other people. And it is not done with ease – it is done often through a lot of pain and suffering. But, it often get right to the heart of matters because it is coming from a place of experience. Many of the organizations provide support at the most crucial moments in a person’s life – so is invaluable!!
We used the video on “Suicide of a Family Member” and it certainly held the audience in suspense as they listened to 5 minutes of painful raw emotions, but also a message of courage from Jackie Easton of Curly Star Dream Foundation . She has used the trauma of losing her daughter to set up a service which supports other families facing suicide of a family member.
This photo was taken at the conference while the video was being shown.
For many people suicide is a word they don’t even want to utter, but it is a sad fact of daily life. Statistics show there were 6,581 suicides in the Uk and Republic of Ireland in 2014 showing that many families and friends will be affected. Even if you feel this is not something you have had to deal with, please share the information about the video whenever you can – because you might not even know which one of your friends or family who may need it.
Before I go into the launch of our first 3 videos in April, I thought I’d share with you a little of where I visited in December as I haven’t done that yet. It was touch and go as to whether we could actually get there, due to one thing and another – but finally we did. Steve, my husband, had always wanted to get some lessons from a real flamenco guitar maestro and in December that’s exactly what we did! The rest and relaxation were just what we needed – and it reminded us also that we are still individuals, and that even if we are going through difficult times, it is essential to try to recharge our batteries. We visited Malaga and all the other little villages and towns along the Costa Del Sol. My favourite part was the weather as it was 25 degrees C – no one could complain at that! Here goes:
Up in Mijas – seems to be a favourite haunt for many visitors.
Many people come from all over the world to see the lights in Malaga – we can see why!
The weather in Marbella was very obliging. Steve, myself and our sister in law, Tina.
And finally – Steve and I enjoying a boat trip. Apparently we look like 70’s rockers here 🙂
So that seems to be the relaxation over for another few months as we gear up for the launch of the videos. Just to refresh your memory the subjects of the 3 videos are:
“Suicide of a family Member”
“Stillbirth”
“Rare Genetic Disorders in children – Kabuki Syndrome”
As you can imagine, all families affected by any of the above go through very traumatic experiences trying to cope with the actual event, and the ensuing ripples that always surround these very painful situations.
The videos really highlight the ins and outs of these situations and could be extremely helpful to someone who is suffering – so please, please, please, share all information you can in the lead up to the launch and during the launch, as this is really a pilot project. Hopefully we will get a good response from this, and it will convince funders to look favourably on the project and help us financially to be able to get out there and create many more and ultimately help families in a way that would never have been possible before social media.
We have a few really good high profile individuals who are keen to support families in Trauma, including Johnny Benjamin from the channel 4 documentary “Stranger on the Bridge” and the Twitter campaign “Find Mike” after a stranger stopped him from committing suicide on a bridge; Claire Baker MSP for Mid Scotland and Fife and also Margaret Hannah, Director of Public Health in Fife.
We have been able to get in a little help with the marketing of the initial pilot from the social enterprise “Along Came Kirsty” who are based in Dundee and have been really excellent to work with so far. I’ll keep you updated but was keen to use a local company that has the same type of social values as our own.
As we get closer to the launch – I will try to keep you informed as to what we are up to, but meantime – please share, share, and share again – and if you have any suggestions on how to help us – by all means – get in touch !!!!
After my very first Facebook Advertising campaign (and it was a very small campaign) I was delighted to be able to have 65 new members sign up for the Facebook page – and hopefully you will all sign up for this blog too. Families in Trauma is a new social enterprise and we are aiming to record through video or audio – families who have undergone traumatic experiences – and in turn share these videos to help others on our website.
NEW PREMISES
We have fallen behind a few months due to believing that we were going to be moving premises – however, this has not materialised – and so – without boring you all with the details, I hope to be focusing more on my social media campaign and getting our videos on our website.
WEBSITE
If you do check the website you will see that there is a lot to still be done – but hopefully you will also join me along this path and share in the journey of establishing a site which can realistically have families or individuals talking about their ‘real’ experiences. I am more than happy to respond to any suggestions any of you may have.
FAMILIES IN TRAUMA
Most people who catch a glimpse of this site are drawn to the title – either because they or their family have suffered serious trauma. The consequences of this trauma can often be severe and when we start to look around for help – we find that, in reality, there is not much out there! Although doctors and specialists try their best to fill our needs, there is often so much more required and that is exactly why Families in Trauma has been set up. We need to go straight to the ‘horse’s mouth’ so to speak.
FUTURE PLANS
So we really are at the beginning of a journey together and I want to take you all along with me. Having experienced a family trauma personally, I know, it is not something you will ever forget. If you can’t talk to anyone at the moment – then just follow along online or share this link for the blog or for the Facebook page with someone else if you feel it will help them. Please do everything you can to keep reading and sharing this information because you never know who it will help.
I used to wonder what is the ultimate aim of this new social enterprise , and finally realised, I don’t need to have huge goals or unachievable aspirations – if I can help just one person to get through one more day – then I have achieved a huge amount!! We all know that a day in the life of a person suffering trauma can be endless – and you never know from the beginning of that day till the end of it – whether you will survive it – but if we can help individuals who are feeling like this to survive one more day, then we have achieved something of worth. I do not feel this is too huge a goal to aim for and I hope you also will join me in this whenever you can.
Don’t worry if you are not feeling up to much at the moment – just keep reading and checking in – then when you feel more able – share what you can to help others. It’s a great way to heal – one step at a time.
Post traumatic stress is a term which many trauma sufferers may identify with easily. Unfortunately it is also something that can creep up on us without even being fully aware of what is happening.
Shell shock and Battle Fatigue
Initially the term was associated with the battlefield in other guises as “shell shock” and “battle fatigue” during the first and second world war. However during the Vietnam war the term “post traumatic stress” came to the fore and many war veterans were diagnosed with the condition.
PTSD and Trauma
However, more recently the term PTSD can be used to describe the psychological conditions associated with any traumatic event.
Symptoms of PTSD
Some of the well known symptoms can be:
Panic attacks
Vivid flashbacks
Nightmares
very intense feelings when being reminded of the trauma
Avoidance of any reminders of trauma
Pain, sweating, nausea, feeling lightheaded
Being easily upset or angry
Lack of concentration
Self-destructive behaviours
Keeping constantly busy to avoid thinking
Angry and irritable
Feeling detached and emotionally numb
Feeling suicidal
Self-Help
It can be a very frightening experience for individuals with PTSD and often the sufferers can feel very isolated thinking that this is only happening to them. There are various things which can help in time – but the biggest barrier to this can be impatience. The feelings are so frightening that an instant cure is sought, but sadly this approach is often very short lived. So a more balanced, rounded approach can often last much longer and also help to make a person feel more confident once the strategies have been put in place.
Talk to someone close to you
Talk to people in similar situations
Give yourself time
Contact an organisation for support and educate yourself about PTSD
Contact your GP
Families in Trauma
I have found in the course of my work that many people suffer from PTSD and feel there will be no way through this – but eventually with time, patience and help – it can be possible. Families in Trauma will also be interviewing people who have shared their experiences of PTSD and we hope that it will be a help for many people. Please feel free to share this blog with others who may need it or to anyone who may want to share their experiences and be interviewed either through video or audio.
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