(Photo – Delphinium Copyright Steve Wright)
My blog this week was triggered by someone else’s blog –
and its really a follow up on the comments that other people make – which often leave you bamboozled and wondering how on earth they could say the things they do and why they don’t understand.
I thought I would share a little experience of my own which has helped me to try to understand the other person. I had a really close friend who I believed was on the same wave length as me, so when I started to share the difficulties I was having with my own particular trauma – I got the similar replies of Amanda’s blog above. I was told that I should be moving on and so should our daughter – and that bad things happen all the time and we just have to get on with them.
At that moment – it was too painful for me and I knew that this friend was going to damage me further, so I had to make a decision to cut her off. No more texts, phone calls, letters, emails or anything. It was a painful cutting off because I had believed this friend really understood things. I think I really grieved over the loss of that friendship and what it had meant to me. I now had to reevaluate things.
However, 5 years later, I recently had a phone call from this friend with sincerest apologies for failing to be the kind of friend I needed at that time. She now knew what she had done, and understood why I had cut her off – she too was now suffering deep emotional trauma, going through a divorce, a house move and a feeling of mental breakdown.
But, it was not her recent circumstances that helped me to understand her – it was her admission that she had suffered some extremely painful experiences when she was young – and our families experience was touching on those raw nerves for her. I realised that our extreme pain and suffering were causing her pain as well – and she was not ready to address this – so she attacked – just like a wounded animal.
I now personally admire the fact that she has had the courage to apologise most profusely – and I can begin to heal myself now, knowing that she was also in pain and suffering.
It can often help to know others circumstances when they have hurt us – as it can help us to grow also. I know this is not true in every scenario but in some cases it is – so it can just give us another angle to help with our pain.